6:05pm
by Halsteadpd
Summary: 6:05pm is where life gets turned upside down for Jay and his 16-year-old daughter. (Incomplete)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! Welcome to my new story! Enjoy :)**

The bullets missed the kevlar. One below the vest, into her stomach and two in her throat. He watched her drop to the ground like a bag of rocks, blood soaking her clothing as it gushed out of her wounds. He applied pressure to the holes to the best of his ability with Atwater's help.

"Babe, you're good. Just keep talking to me, keep your eyes open."

"Jay…" She coughed up blood and it managed to stain her teeth. A tear slowly fell from her left eye.

"I love you… and Emma so much. Please… let her know that."

"No… Erin! You're going to tell her yourself! Just stay with me the ambulance is coming. Take deep breaths and focus on my voice." He couldn't stop himself from crying now. Right under his hands, the love of his life was fading away. The sound of sirens in the distance were her only sign of hope, and his own.

/

"She lost a lot of blood, and the bullet in her waist punctured her intestines. One of the shots to her throat grazed the jugular. We lost her 3 times in there and the last time we couldn't revive her. I'm sorry Jay, but she didn't make it. Her time of death was 6:05pm."

He couldn't understand what was happening. Why was this happening to him? He was sitting in the chair, twirling the ring around his third finger, his hands still full of Erin's blood. He didn't even look up at the surgeon who was speaking to him. Will had to be the one to dismiss him with a polite 'thanks'. When he looked back down at his little brother, tears were soaking his cheeks.

"Jay, do you need me to pick up Emma and bring her here?"

Jay shook his head, "Burgess already went." His tone of voice was monotonous and cold. He didn't know how he was going to explain to his 16-year-old daughter that she no longer had a mother. She had started to block him off from her life, becoming more private like normal teenagers. She was becoming a lot more rebellious, just like he had at her age. He didn't know how he was going to do this on his own. He couldn't bear to sit any longer, he decided to take a walk to calm down a little bit before speaking with his daughter.

/

Those same blue eyes looked back at him. They were bloodshot and tears were falling from them. She was speechless for once in her life. It looked like she wanted to say something, but she couldn't put her finger on it, she just shook her head. He brought her into his arms. They stood in the corridor and cried, only to be interrupted by Will.

"Um, you two can see her before they come by to collect her body." Jay tightly held onto his daughter's hand and followed after Will. His legs were shaking and he didn't know if what he was living was reality. Everything was happening so fast and it happened in such a blur that it was as if he was asleep.

/

She was pale and her hand was cold. He expected her to squeeze his back when he held it just like she always did. The two bullet wounds in her neck was the only thing he could focus on. He watched the reactions of Emma. She was no longer crying but her eyes were still red. She had a cold look on her face, the same one he had when he was mad. She didn't look at Erin's body too much, she was mostly looking around the cold room they were in.

They stood looking at her lifeless body on the table for about 5 minutes before they gave one last kiss and left. The car ride was silent, filled with Emma's occasional sniffs. He didn't know how to comfort her so he just held her hand tight, he needed to be there for her.

When they got home, Emma ran upstairs to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her, shutting herself in. She had some of Erin's personality, closing herself off when she was hurting was something she inherited. Jay sat down on the couch, he picked up a picture from the coffee table on his way in. It was a picture of him and Erin, the day Emma was born. She had Emma laid over her chest. He couldn't help but stare at the dark circles under both of their eyes. She was in labour for over 24 hours. His fingers traced over Erin's face, as if she would jump right out of the photo. He couldn't stop hearing the surgeon's words: "Time of death, 6:05pm… Time of death, 6:05pm…"

He stood up, clearing his throat and wiping the tears from his eyes before he proceeded up the stairs. He gently knocked on her door, making sure he didn't startle her.

"Em… may I come in?" She didn't answer but he could hear her sobs from the other side of the door. He stepped into her bedroom but didn't close the door behind him since nobody else was home. She was laying on her stomach, crying into her pillow. He sat down on the edge of the bed and put his hand on her shoulder, rubbing comforting circles into her shoulder blade. He lost track of how much time they stayed in that position before she stopped crying. He listened to her heavy breaths before he spoke to her, making sure she had calmed down a bit.

"Em, sit up for me." She sat up, putting her legs over the bed to imitate the way Jay was sitting. Erin always found it crazy how much they both looked alike and how much their personalities matched. She noticed it when Emma first became mobile. When she learned how to walk without wobbling, she had Jay's posture. They sat in silence for a little while, both having their gazes fixated on the crows outside.

"You know crows are a symbol of protection? Your Mom told me back when she first met." Emma smiled as she listened to her father. Reminiscing about her mom brought her peace. She couldn't help but remember all those times they sat together talking about their early relationship.

"Somehow, we're gonna get through this. I know it's gonna be hard but you and me, together, will overcome this." Jay's voice was soft. Emma didn't say anything to him, she just kept looking out the window.

"Come here… give your old man a hug." She turned towards his direction and buried her head into his chest, just like she always did when she was sad as a little kid. It was a habit of hers he loved so much. He kissed the top of her head before leaving to get dinner for them.

/

 **Please Review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Have a Merry Christmas everyone! I'll try to post another update after this one but this may be the last one of the year.**

Sunday…

The atmosphere was somber and the weather decided to coincide with the day's service. It was cloudy and it looked like the clouds would open up at any second to drench everyone. Jay sat in his suit and tie, the one Erin loved to see on him, next to Emma in the front row, holding her hand tightly. He didn't realize how hard he was gripping it until she forced his fingers off her hand and stretched it out.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

He rubbed her hand in between both of his. She didn't look at him, she just continued to look towards the maple wood casket, not even blinking. She showed no emotion on her face. As the casket was about to be lowered, they both gave it one last kiss. They threw a handful of dirt into the ground before leaving. Emma took one last look at the tombstone before following her father. _Erin Halstead. Beloved wife and mother._

/

Emma barely looked towards Jay's direction after the service. They were surrounded by friends and family after the funeral at their home. She mostly hung around her friends and left about an hour later.

"Dad, I'm gonna go out for a bit."

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know, maybe an hour or two." Jay nodded and hugged his daughter before giving her a kiss as she left. He couldn't help but see Erin's nature in her.

" _She's the most perfect thing I've seen." Jay said admiring his daughter._

" _Well, she is half of me you know," Erin chuckled._

" _No, I think it's the Halstead genetics she inherited from me that makes her perfect." Erin playfully hit his shoulder at his comment. They were sitting on the couch watching Emma sleep and the noise from Erin's hand on Jay's shoulder woke her up._

 _Jay quickly went to go pick her up from her crib and tried to soothe her. Emma immediately stopped crying when Jay had picked her up and she rested her head on his shoulder, falling asleep again. He came and sat back down on the couch and readjusted Emma in his arms so he and Erin could watch her sleep. She fussed a little bit before getting comfortable again._

/

"I have no issue with you staying home today, I can call into work and stay with you if you want."

"No, I'm good to go. Trust me, Dad." He was still hesitant to have her show up to school at such an overwhelming time. He remembered how long it took him to readjust to everything after his own mother died and he wanted to make sure he was there for her, unlike his own father.

He decided that it was best for her to do what she wanted, so he dropped her off at school before going to work.

"Bye Dad."

"Bye… wait give me a kiss before you leave." She rolled her eyes and smiled, giving him a kiss before shutting the car door.

 **Emma's POV:**

"I can't get caught with this stuff, my Dad will literally kill me." Emma was nervous about what her friends wanted her to do. Her best friend, Eva, had handed her a few joints that were in a ziplock baggie.

"Then don't get caught with it, it's easy." Emma shot daggers at Eva, she had never tried weed before. Her friends had offered it to her at a party a while back but she refused saying she wasn't ready yet. But she definitely didn't refuse the alcohol that night.

" _Em, I think you should sleep over at my place, you're hammered!" Eva was also quite drunk and was barely keeping her footing._

" _I'd have to call my mom, she'd figure it out that I was drunk. I'm not even supposed to be at this party I told her I was at your house."_

" _Text her, I'm sure she'll be fine with it, your mom is cool." Emma nodded and pulled out her phone. Her thumbs were all over the place and she could barely type out a simple text. It took her a couple of times to correct the spelling errors but she finally sent a text._

' _Mom is it okay if I sleep over at Eva's tonight?' The reply came quick._

' _Of course, do you have everything you need? I can drop by to give you your stuff.'_

' _No, I had my clothes at school just in case.'_

' _Okay, goodnight, stay safe. And call me or Dad if you need anything.'_

"C'mon, weed feels amazing. The first puff is a bit hard but then you get addicted to this shit." Eva's boyfriend, Chris, was the one who got Eva hooked onto weed in the first place. Emma always saw him as bad news, they had known each other since they were kids. When he got together with Eva, however, she saw that he wasn't too bad of a guy.

"We'll do it at lunch, I got a chemistry test first period." With that Emma stuffed the joints in her bag and walked off.

/

 **Jay's POV:**

Seeing the empty desk in front of him all day was haunting. He couldn't help but think of the first time he looked up from his desk to steal a look at her. He wasn't too sneaky about it though, she caught him looking, only because she was stealing a look at him. Her hazel eyes were the first thing he fell in love with, he was never going to forget that feeling he got. They say to always fall in love with someone's eyes, they're the only things that never age with time. Fall in love with someone's eyes and you'll be in love for life.

"Adam, where's Voight?" Jay was looking into the empty office to the right of his desk. It was unlike him to be late for work, let alone not be the first one there.

"He's not coming in today, took the day off. Shouldn't you have stayed home too?"

"I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Emma insisted that she go to school this morning so it'd just be me in an empty house."

"Well, it's better than doing paperwork all day. We don't have any cases."

"Kid's right, you should go home Jay." Al said looking up from his paperwork.

"I'll stay for a bit, go home at lunch."

/

When he walked through the front door, there was an overwhelming smell in his nostrils. It was that of Erin's perfume, the one he loved so much. Her smell seemed to be more profound to him ever since she had left. He set his keys down on the counter and slumped down on the couch, grabbing the remote. He had a few hours before he had to pick up Emma from school, so he started surfing channels.

His gaze suddenly went to the DVDs that were neatly placed underneath the TV in a row. He could read the spines from his position: Emma's first birthday, Emma being born, Jay and Erin's Wedding Day. The last one caught his attention.

He proceeded to pick out the DVD from the row and looked at the cover. There was a photo on the cover, it was of him and Erin the day of their wedding. He was wearing a black tuxedo and Erin was in her wedding dress, he was bending down and kissing her. He smiled sadly before putting the CD in the DVD player.

" _You ready for this bud?" Adam's voice came over the camera, he was filming Jay getting his bow tie on, with help from Will._

" _I don't think you can ever be ready for your wedding day, it just kind of happens."_

 _As Jay put on his blazer, the camera panned around the room, filming all the groomsmen getting ready. The camera showed Antonio, Atwater, Al and Voight coming through the door._

" _Halstead, let's talk."_

" _Getting in trouble on your wedding day, how fun." Adam teased. Jay rolled his eyes and followed Voight out of the room and closed the door behind him. Voight didn't say anything to him, he just brought Jay into an embrace._

" _You ready kid?"_

/

 _He stood at the alter, shaking. He didn't know why he was so nervous, he had known Erin for years, marrying her is all he wanted. He watched Adam and Kim's daughter throwing flower petals in front of her followed by Owen bringing the rings._

Jay watched Erin walk down the aisle, Voight by her side. He watched both of them give their vows and finally, kiss. Just as they finished their kiss, and walked down the aisle as a newly married couple, the video ended.

He sat on the couch staring at the black screen. A single tear rolled down his cheek as an alarm was ringing on his phone, signalling that he needed to pick up Emma from school.

/

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	3. Chapter 3

**Looking for a co-author.**

Lunch Time…

 **Emma's POV:**

She hasn't even put the blunt in her mouth yet but the smell from everyone else smoking is burning her lungs. She and her friends decided to meet up in the parking lot and they would go off campus to smoke so they wouldn't get caught. They all piled into one car and drove out to the soccer field around the corner.

"Just put it in your mouth and breathe in, then just wait for it to hit." Chris was really persistent that Emma try the weed. She wasn't sure why he and Eva were so up her ass about smoking, it must've been because of mom. She hesitated before following Chris' directions. She coughed as the smoke enveloped her lungs. It took a couple of minutes and after a few puffs, the weed was taking effect.

/

She showed up to all her afternoon classes high. Her head was spinning and her eyes were burning. Eva had given her some Visine to help with the redness but the fuzzy feeling in Emma's brain could not be taken away with a couple of eye drops.

It was almost the end of the school day when the effects had started to wear off. She focused quite well on her classwork and for once she actually understood math. She had munchies like never before so she was constantly eating in all of her classes. As the weed stopped affecting her, her thoughts went back to her mom. The instant realization that she had been buried hit Emma like a truck. The weed had masked her emotions for a few hours and it felt good to forget about it for a while. She took her phone out of her pocket, texting Chris.

 _Chris, I need some more._

 _See, I told you that you'd like it! Meet me outside the school once we are done._

 _Can't do it outside, my Dad is picking me up._

 _Okay, meet at Eva's locker then._

 _See you there._

/

"If your Dad ever finds these, you didn't get them from me."

"Don't worry he won't." Emma was growing impatient. She knew she wouldn't be able to smoke with her Dad around but she would try after he went to bed. She was never going to forget the feeling she got… she needed more. She knew her mom had a drug addiction years ago and that the grandmother she never met also has one. But weed isn't that bad, she thought.

"I'll see you tomorrow, bye." Emma gave Eva and Chris a hug before leaving.

 **Jay's POV:**

The ride to the school was silent. The radio was on but he was zoned out and couldn't hear it. In the last few days, all his thoughts were about Erin. He relived the memories in his head and his thoughts never wavered from her. He pulled up in his usual spot and students started to flood out of the school just as he put the car in park. He waited a few minutes before he saw Emma come out the doors. He started the car as she approached him and sat down in the passenger seat. He furrowed his brows as she sat down. She seemed to be wearing a lot of perfume.

"How was school?" He asked pulling out of the parking space.

"It was good." Her answer was short and to the point. She pulled down the mirror inside the car looking at her eyes. They were no longer red. Thank God she thought.

The ride home was quiet. Jay didn't often get time to drive Emma home from school but he enjoyed the times when he could. He couldn't help but think of when Emma was younger and she would run into his arms after school when she saw him. He also remembered how hard she clung to his leg on her very first day from school. Now she would be out the door before him. Times change.

/

 **Emma's POV**

 _Did you smoke them yet?_ Eva had been texting Emma all evening. They talked mostly about how Emma would be able to smoke at home with Jay around but in the end, Emma decided to play it safe. Her eyes were drawn away from her screen as Jay was putting dinner in front of her.

All afternoon she was on edge because she thought Jay would notice at any second, he was a detective after all. She kept her eyes down when she was around him but she spent most of her time doing 'homework' which consisted of constant texting to Eva. He sat right across from her at the dinner table. _Shit._

She tried her best to not look up at him but he kept asking her questions about school and friends. _Not now Dad!_ She was raised to respect people when speaking to them, look them in the eyes. Jay had taught her that from when she was young. Her pupils weren't as dilated anymore from the weed but she remembered reading in a book that nervousness can make them larger. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

/

After dinner, it was always routine that the family of 3 do the dishes together. This routine didn't change. Jay washed and Emma dried. It was meant to be a bonding experience that Erin wanted to do once Emma got older. Now it was just quiet.

Jay wanted to ask her all day about how she was coping but it felt taboo to talk about. He didn't know how to ease into it and he didn't want to be the Dad that didn't ask about his child at all. After the last dish was dried, they sat down on the couch to watch TV, prime time for a talk.

"So… um… how are you doing with all of this… ?" _Way to go Jay, you can't even comfort your own kid._

She took her eyes off of the TV for a second before licking her lips and speaking. "I don't know." 3 simple words that perfectly summed up how she felt. She heard him exhale deeply. He muted the TV before turning his whole body over to her direction.

"I get that you may not want to talk to me and that it's hard. When my mom died, I felt empty and like there was no purpose to my life. I was alone and it sucked. Uncle Will was in New York and my Dad was never there for me. I wished and wished almost everyday that I'd meet someone and be able to talk about it. I guess that's why I joined the military, so I could blow off some steam." His breath shook at the memory of his mother's funeral and enlisting in the military the next day. "I remember after getting back, how much I hated my Dad. That's why I'm no longer part of his life and I never let him meet you. I just want to let you know that you can lean on me, about anything. Whether it's about mom or school or boys, which I hope you're not into yet, I'm here. For everything."

Emma could see the tears in his eyes. He held them back just as he always did. All she could think about was the weed at the bottom of her backpack. She smiled before hugging him, not knowing how much time passed as they stayed in that position.

/

 **Please Review! I feel like this story isn't too strong, just need to know what to work on.**


	4. Chapter 4

Friday night…

After dinner, Jay watched the Blackhawks game as Emma texted Eva. " _Come on, your Dad will fall asleep and then you can sneak out easily. You're gonna miss the best party of the year!"_

" _I don't know how long I'd have to wait to leave. He's watching the hockey game and it's tied in the third. Who knows how long the game could take. He's also the lightest sleeper in the world."_ Just as she sent the text, the Blackhawks scored with 30 seconds left in the period. Her eyes immediately were taken off her phone screen, looking towards the TV as she heard the familiar goal horn.

" _Never mind. Hawks just scored."_

" _Em, I'm watching the game I can see what's happening. Now just wait for him to go to bed and then get dressed. Text me and I'll come get you."_

The week had been hard on Jay. He woke up countless of times in the night when he rolled over to the other side of the bed, not being able to wrap his arm around Erin. He had been doing it for almost 20 years now, ever since they got together. Now he was greeted with cold sheets. He started putting a pillow next to him. That way he actually had something he could squeeze.

Although his sleeping schedule was on and off, his relationship with Emma seemed to be improving. The day before she asked to stay home from school with him. They went around the city seeing the sites. When they got home, they made dinner together, which was when she opened up. She talked about her feelings and how she still didn't understand how she no longer has a mom. He had never felt so close with her before.

He looked over at the clock and noticed it was almost 11. It was unusual for him to sleep before midnight but he really needed it. He handed the TV remote to Emma and gave her a kiss before going upstairs to his bedroom.

" _He just left to go to sleep."_

 **Emma's POV:**

She got dressed and put her makeup on as silently as she could, Jay was always a light sleeper. She decided she would put on her heels in Eva's car. Avoid as much noise as possible. At around 12 she could hear his snores as she put her ear to his bedroom door. Eva had been waiting outside for over 15 minutes.

As she went down the stairs she cursed herself as she managed to step on every stair that squeaked. She would pause after every little noise, making sure Jay wasn't awake. She opened the front door as quietly as she could, it didn't make any noise. She smiled at her small victory. When she shut the door, it made a clicking sound. She didn't care too much and ran towards Eva's car and slammed the car door shut.

 **Jay's POV:**

He immediately sat up in bed. It must've been his detective instincts but he was sure he heard a door close, the front door to be exact. He sat in bed for a while, listening. Waiting to hear any more noise. He heard a car door slam, that's when he got out of bed. He walked over to Emma's room and saw that the door was shut, she must be asleep. He went downstairs to check the front door which was when he noticed that the lock was open.

He opened the door and saw nobody outside. He shut the door, not locking it, before he went to Emma's room. He didn't care to knock, he was positive she wasn't there. When he turned on the lights, he was greeted by an empty bedroom. _Well, fuck._

 **Emma's POV:**

She had never experienced a party like this. Everyone was drunk or high, or both. It was just like any other high school party, kids grinding on each other while drunk. It was like one of those parties you would see on TV, so big and populated that it seems like it's impossible to have in reality. She knew tonight was going to be a good time. They had met up with Chris, he was swaying and his speech was slurred. Little did Emma know, she soon would be even worse.

…

The shots burned her throat as she swallowed. It was her first time trying vodka and she couldn't stop. Maybe it was the rush she got from it, maybe it was because she wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. She lost count after 5 shots. Her glass ended up getting refilled over and over again, she didn't refuse. Eva needed to drive, so she only had 3 shots earlier that night.

When Emma could no longer stand on her feet, Eva decided it was time to leave. Emma was helped into the passenger seat of the car. It was almost 4am. They danced all night after Emma was around 6 shots deep and decided to call it a night when Emma started to throw up.

The drive home was full of Emma's drunk personality much to Eva's joy. The car swayed a bit as Eva drove since she wasn't completely sober but she managed to get Emma home in one piece.

/

She opened the door quietly, still sober enough to remember she snuck out. The streetlights illuminated the front foyer as she got into her home and it was instant darkness when she closed the door behind her. She turned the flashlight on on her phone and pointed it forwards only to see Jay standing in front of her with his arms crossed over his chest.

 **Please Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

She literally felt her heart drop into her stomach before she threw up on the tile floor. Maybe it was the fear or maybe it was because she was drunk. Jay stepped over the vomit on the floor, taking his daughter's arm to help escort her into the bathroom, pocketing her phone while he was at it. He washed her face and took her to bed.

"Get dressed and go to bed." His voice was strict and he got straight to the point. Lack of sleep really influenced his personality. He closed the door behind him as he went to go clean up the floor. He got into bed later, not being able to fall asleep.

/

He got out of bed at around 8. He must have dozed for a few hours because he surprisingly felt refreshed and energetic. He leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping on his coffee, his mind engrossed in thought. He thought about how much Erin would be disappointed. Their daughter was living the life she was forced to live in.

" _Jay… it's not that I don't want this baby… It's just, I don't want it ending up living a life like mine. I hated my life. It was always drinking until morning and being high off of whatever we could get our hands on. I don't want someone else to live through something like that. It's too difficult."_

" _Babe…" His voice was soft, empathetic and sincere. He rubbed small circles into her knee, hoping to soothe her. "We wouldn't let any baby of ours live a life like that. I promise."_

" _It all happens so fast. How would we even know?"_

" _Trust me, Er. This kid will be all we think about." He brought her head into his chest, rubbing her lower back slowly with one of his hands._

"She'd be so pissed at me right now." He mumbles to himself, blinking the tears out of his eyes.

/

He did the laundry while he let Emma sleep. As pissed as he was, he knows what a hangover feels like. He checked on her multiple times in the morning making sure she didn't choke on her vomit in her sleep. It was almost noon when he finished all the laundry and decided that he shouldn't wait any longer.

He opened the door quietly, finally being able to somewhat see her room with help from the outside light. Her clothes from the night before littered the floor. He looked at the bed, seeing her sleeping with half her body under the comforter. Her head was under her pillows and she was snoring. He lightly shook her awake. She rustled and creased her eyebrows, she hated being woken up.

 **Emma's POV:**

She had a headache. She felt like her head was 20 pounds. As she woke up, she realized she only remembered one thing from the night before: seeing her Dad in the hallway. It was his warm hand waking her up. _Great._

She struggled to open her eyes but when she did she immediately closed them. The light coming in from her blinds stung. She moved her head so she was facing her mattress, trying to get as much darkness into her eyes as possible.

"I'll give you 10 minutes. After that I want to see you in the kitchen and we'll do something about that headache."

She watched him leave the room and reached over for her phone on her bedside table. It wasn't there. He probably had it. _Fuck._

...

After 5 minutes she managed to sit up and put her feet on the ground. She tried to stand but had to sit back down quickly. Her legs felt like jelly and her head was spinning. She knew she was already in deep shit and didn't want to get yelled at for being tardy, he hated that. She managed to make it to the bathroom, slowly. She leaned over the sink, looking at her reflection. She had dark circles under her eyes and it looked as if she hadn't slept for weeks.

After a couple of minutes in the washroom, she made her way down the stairs, heart wanting to beat out of her chest.

 **Jay's POV:**

After leaving the bedroom, he went into the kitchen, grabbing some Tylenol and a bottle of Gatorade. He set it out on the counter and leaned across from it, waiting. He thought about checking in on her after hearing silence until he heard the toilet flush.

When she made her way down the stairs, she was a spitting image of Erin, with his eyes. He couldn't help but remember Erin that one morning outside of the club. The same dark circles, the same vacant look in her eyes. She came and sat down on the barstool in front of him, waiting for him to speak.

"Take two. The Gatorade should help with the low-energy feeling and should keep your stomach settled." His voice was stern but soft. Losing his patience with her wasn't going to do either of them well. She looked up at him expectantly after she finished taking the pills. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"So was last night the first time for you drinking?" This was an interrogation.

"Uh... no."

"Well, when was the first time."

"Few months ago at a party." He nodded at her answer, at least she was telling the truth.

"How much did you drink last night?"

She took a while to answer, thinking about her answer. She just shook her head after a while. He raised his eyebrow, he wanted an answer. "I lost count after 5 shots."

Jay choked on the air he was breathing in. "5 shots of what…"

"Vodka."

He crossed his arms over his chest nodding his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing right now. As much as he wanted to get mad, he knew that would make her drift away from him even more. "How'd you get home?"

She wasn't looking at him anymore, she kept her gaze fixed on the floor.

"I got a ride from a friend."

"Eva?" Emma nodded. "Was she also drunk?!" His voice was starting to rise. Not so much out of anger but more out of worry and fear. He already knew the answer but he wanted her to say it, for her to drop that weight onto his heart. Emma didn't say anything, she just looked up at him. That was his answer.

"Did you two go to a bar or was it at her place?"

"A bar, there was a party there."

"You're 16… does that mean you have a fake ID?" Emma shook her head. She stopped looking at him in his eyes. "Well… then how did you get your hands on it." His voice was starting to rise once again, this time out of anger.

"I-I don't know, my glass just kinda kept getting refilled." If she wasn't scared before, she was definitely scared now.

"Which bar?" She didn't answer his question, just stared right back at him. "You know this is a felony right? You could've gone to jail for a year if you were caught! And I know Eva was drunk while she was driving. What if you were pulled over?! What would've happened if she crashed the car?!" His anger and impatience was getting to him. He and Erin had vowed to teach their children about the dangers of drunk driving but apparently that conversation didn't work. He exhaled his anger before speaking again.

"After you eat, I want you to go back to your room and clean it up of all your clothes from last night. Once you're done, stay there while I figure out what I'm going to do with you. Also, this…" he took her phone out of his sweat pants he was still wearing, "is mine for the next little bit." She nodded her head again, there was no point in fighting him over it.

"Oh, and by the way. Don't think Eva's parents won't hear about this." She swallowed a lump in her throat before hesitantly nodding her head.

/

As she went up the stairs after eating, she turned looking Jay in his eyes. She mumbled out a sorry before turning back to the stairs. _At least she knew what happened was wrong._

After an hour Jay went to her room to check in on her and found her asleep in her bed again. He decided he would let her sleep, putting up with an agitated teenager wasn't what he wanted to do. He instead took his phone out of his pocket, dialling Voight.

/

"So on Monday, you're going to skip school and you're going to come to work with me. Grandpa Hank wants to see you. You're also grounded for the next 6 months, only leaving home to go to school. I want you in my sight as much as possible. If you don't have school but I'm at work, I expect you to be there."

"And do what?!" The tylenol definitely helped the headache. She was getting her energy again, and her arguing tactics.

"We'll find something for you to do. This isn't up for discussion." With that he closed the door to her room and went downstairs.

/

He kept her phone on, waiting to see if anyone would call or text her about the night before. There was the occasional notification alarm but he couldn't see who texted her since she didn't display anything on the lockscreen. _Very sneaky._ He turned off her phone before putting it in his bedroom.

/

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	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the slow updates :/ But who's excited to see Halstead undercover this week?!**

Monday…

Jay and Emma walked into Voight's office early before anyone else was there. Emma sat down while Jay stood at the door, arms crossed over his chest. She looked straight into Voight's eyes… _time for another lecture._

"I could nail your friend with a DUI. She could spend a year in prison." His raspy voice was calm and collected, this was just dealing with Erin all over again. He got straight to the point. She tensed up as soon as he finished his sentence.

"I don't need you ending up drunk out there somewhere in the streets or being called to come identify your body with your Dad. You're 5 years under the legal age limit to be drinking. While you're grounded, we expect you to be here. Whether it's organizing CI files or if you're cleaning the bathrooms. There's no arguing this decision. Give me a second with your Dad." With that, Emma was dismissed and she sat at her mother's desk, waiting to see what her punishment for the day would be.

/

There was nothing left in the desk drawers. It had been emptied out by Jay the first day he returned to work after the incident. He didn't want to be distracted, staring at her things all day. Her desk was full of framed pictures. There were a couple of the unit, some from Jay and Erin's early relationship, and of course pictures of the family together through different stages of Emma's life. She sat, spinning around in the chair before she saw Jay walk out of Voight's office.

"I want to take you for a ride somewhere first."

/

They drove out into a part of the city Emma had never seen. She watched the people making their way into work or school and she even counted out all the fire hydrants they passed. She didn't have her phone so she needed something to pass time. They stopped in a parking lot before Jay told her to follow him. They walked side-by-side, approaching a tree stump. It was close to the road, surrounded by grass and the stump was fairly large.

"When I was on patrol, I got called to a car accident. It was here. Two people, both drunk hit this tree at about 45 miles an hour. They were still alive when I got here. The passenger was unconscious and the driver was screaming in pain. He had a piece of glass, 3 inches thick, piercing through his throat. It took firefighters over 2 hours to get them out since the car was so severely damaged, and by the time they were in the ambulance, they died. They were brothers. I was told by my superiors to go tell their parents that they had been killed. I watched the life drain out of their mother's eyes as their father tried to console her." He looked over at Emma who was still staring at the trunk. She looked over at him when she realized he wasn't speaking anymore.

"So when I got mad the other day, this is why. This one moment made me into the cop and man I am today. I always knew that when the day came, I'd make sure my kids knew how drunk driving kills. You always think it won't be you, or that it's just a couple of blocks. Maybe the brothers were thinking about that. But look at where that led them. I can't afford to lose you too, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." She nodded her head at him, not knowing what to say. They continued looking at the stump in silence for about another minute.

"Hey… give me a hug." His words caught Emma off guard. She was deep in thought, thinking about Jay as a uniformed police officer telling two strangers that their kids had been killed. She felt this pit in her stomach, full of guilt. She knew driving drunk was stupid, but she had been too drunk that night to think about it. She turned facing him, wrapping her arms around his ribs. He felt his lips on her forehead before they stopped hugging and walked back to the car.

/

When they got back to the district, Jay showed her how to organize everyone's CI files. He had her start with his, just in case she made any mistakes he wouldn't mind fixing. After a gruelling day of alphabetizing files, she had only made it through Jay's, Ruzek's and Olinsky's files. Jay was having her go to school tomorrow so she would likely finish everyone else's files after that.

/

Tuesday…

"EMMA!" She turned around to see Eva running at her. "I have a feeling I know what happened to you this weekend." Emma looked at Eva confusingly. How in hell did she know that she had been caught walking into her house on Saturday.

"And how would you know that?"

"Your Dad called mine. But you know how my parents are so they didn't give a shit. How about you? What's your punishment?"

"Well… I'm grounded for the next 6 months. Also, my Dad doesn't want me out of his sight so I'm stuck with him whenever I'm not here. School lets off in like a month so I'm literally going to be with him 24/7." She said sourly.

"Damn… you smoke the stuff yet. You should do it soon."

"Yeah and get into deeper shit, great plan Ev." She rolled her eyes at her best friend's carelessness.

"So why didn't you come yesterday?"

"My Dad wanted me to stay with him, see my grandpa. He took me to this place and told me a story about drunk driving and all that shit. Then I got to organize their files," she scoffed. Her personality was so much like Jay's.

"Well, at least we can see each other here. We can go smoke the joints later at lunch?"

"Sure, why not, I could really use it… where are we going to meet?"

"I'll text you that later." Emma's eyes went wide.

"DON'T! My Dad has my phone."

"Oh, okay… well meet me at my locker then."

/

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	7. Chapter 7

Another boring school morning had passed and Emma couldn't wait to get her hands on the weed in her backpack. It was all she could think about. Time was going at snail's pace and she didn't have her phone to listen to music to help. When the lunch bell rang, she ran out of her class, towards Eva's locker. When she got there, she was greeted by Chris.

"Heard what happened to you."

"Yeah… whatever I don't really give a shit. My Dad's up my ass about it though." After going to the tree stump with Jay, she forgot all about it while organizing CI files. There were so many and it confused her sometimes. _This fucking sucks._

When Eva arrived at her locker, they left for her car. They decided the safest place would be behind the convenience store a couple blocks away, it was always desolate there.

/

For some odd reason, whenever Emma had her first puffs, she always remembered her mother. She remembered the times they shared together when she was younger. She remembered all the private talks they had when Jay wasn't around. One particular one came to mind. The conversation was from when Emma was around 14 years old.

" _I know he seems really overbearing right now, but you'll realize it's a good thing. When he was in school, he had a lot of problems with the other kids. He was bullied a lot and because of that he didn't have too many friends."_

 _Emma sat on one of the barstools next to Erin. She had been talking to Jay earlier, she was starting her first day of high school in the morning. He always gave her the same talk every year about the importance of coming to him or Erin if she was ever having any issues at school. This year, she wasn't particularly interested, which Erin noticed._

" _Well… I don't think I need the same conversation every year, Mom. It's like he has it memorized word-for-word now. Also, you two said you would give me space as I grow older… where's the space now?"_

 _Erin's lips curled into a sympathetic smile. She remembers back to when Emma was a baby and how she had Jay had a conversation about teenagers and giving them space. He protested it a lot. He said he didn't want to be like his father._

" _When your Dad and I first started dating, we had this case. There were these 2 boys who were sexually assaulted by their swim coach. One of them was shot dead. Both boys didn't have a father in the picture. You also know why none of us talk to Jay's dad either. His Dad wasn't a good Dad either. He doesn't want to make that mistake with you. He loves you more than you'll ever understand and sometimes it'll get annoying. He's annoyed me quite a bit too." She chuckled at her statement. "But Em, you need to realize how lucky you are. You have a man that would give up his life for yours in a split second. He's always going to protect you and care for you. Not too many Dads out there would do that. Mine certainly didn't."_

 _Emma smiles at her mother, the same smile etched in her face matches to the man they're talking about. She just nods her head._

" _May I be excused, I wanted to meet up with Eva before dinner?"_

" _Of course."_

/

Back in reality, the joints have been smoked. Emma smoked more than usual today and while she sits in the car, she begins to feel sick. Chris turns around, noticing her delusional attitude.

"Here take some of this, it'll make you feel even better." He hands her a ziplock baggie, filled with a white substance.

"What is this stuff?" Emma asks looking at the bag.

"Sugar." Chris replies slyly.

Her delusional state doesn't ask any more questions so she shrugs and opens her mouth.

"Wait! You gotta take it through your nose or it won't help you." Eva is looking at Emma, not interrupting the conversation. She needs to drive back to the school so she's trying her best to make sure her brain isn't floating like the last time.

Emma doesn't argue. She happily obliges.

/

Eva drove 10 miles under the speed limit. The dividers in the road seemed the keep moving and she couldn't keep the car going in a straight line.

When they arrived at the school, they noticed no one was outside. No teachers and no students. Eva glanced at the clock, 1:35. 35 minutes late to class.

They walk into the building, not giving much attention to their surroundings. They were almost in the clear when the principal walked out of the office.

"You three, come here!" A weight dropped on each of the teenager's hearts. They turned around walking slowly towards their principal.

"Where have you been?! You're over half an hour late."

None of them say a word. Emma is extremely wobbly on her feet, not going unnoticed by the principal. Her head is spinning and she can't pinpoint where she should be looking.

"All of you… show me your eyes…" He had caught on by now. They each carried an odour with them. When each of the teenagers showed the principal their bloodshot eyes and dilated pupils, he escorted them into his office.

/

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	8. Chapter 8

**I have a new co-author for this story! Her Twitter is Detchuckles, so some of the ideas in this story will be hers.**

 **Also, I'm not too satisfied with this chapter, been running out of motivation for writing lately.**

 **However, like always, enjoy.**

She sits with her head in her hands, waiting for him to show up. Her head is spinning and she's extremely nauseated. The weed seems to be wearing off but the cocaine is a whole different story. The school nurse checked out all 3 teens and the principal was alerted that Emma was the only one with more than weed in her. She was given something in a needle.

She hears someone approach her and when she opens her eyes, she's still looking at the ground to see the familiar pair of black boots. She doesn't know where she finds the courage, but she manages to look up at him. His hands rest of his hips and he's just looking at her, not saying a word. His eyes won't leave hers, he's probably surveying how high she is.

"Detective Halstead?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"You two can step into my office." The principal smiles warmly at him. Jay waits for Emma to stand up and he follows in after her. They take a seat in the two chairs opposite of the desk. The door is closed softly behind them.

"So we did search through her bag and locker and we found these." The principal pushes a few blunts in a ziplock baggie towards Jay. He doesn't move, he just stares at them and takes a deep breath before speaking.

"Did you find anything else?"

"No it was just the marijuana. Along with her friends, we didn't find any of the cocaine but we do know for a fact it's in her system." Emma keeps her eyes on her hands in her lap. Even when she feels Jay's eyes on her. She nervously bites on her lower lip.

"Now, you should take her into a hospital, which you probably already know. But I do need to let you know of her consequences here. She will be expelled as we have a zero tolerance policy. She will not be allowed to come back to this school as a student so whether or not you decide she will go back into the public school system, she can't come here. Same thing goes for her friends. She must clean out her locker before the end of the week and return any textbooks. I have signed the letter." He pushes forward an envelope that has her expulsion letter inside.

"Is there anything else?"

"Well… as a principal I'm expected to report any drug activity to the police however, I don't think I will considering your line of work."

Jay just nods and smiles, knowing the bullet Emma just dodged. Had the principal called the police, it would've been difficult to clear her name out of the system. She would've likely been charged for possession. He stands up, shaking the principal's hand and opens the door, waiting for Emma to walk out first. He follows her out and they walk silently to the car parked outside. Voight had given him a couple days off to stay with Emma and get everything figured out.

He took her into Med, straight from school. He had texted Will earlier letting him know that they were coming in and to keep it a bit private. Both Jay and Emma didn't utter a word to each other the whole ride.

/

"Well, she looks okay to me. Obviously bloodwork came back with the drugs in her system. Her sleep might be disturbed a bit, she'll probably have a headache and be agitated, nothing you haven't dealt with before. She's not going to want to eat but she should. Try your best with that one. Also one more thing, you have to know she was pretty close to overdosing. She got really lucky. I don't know if it was by accident or if it was intentional, that's something you'll have to figure out by yourself." They spoke in hushed tones outside of Emma's room while she got dressed again, ready to leave the hospital. Jay felt his heart drop into his stomach when he learned about how much Emma took. He felt like complete shit. This past little bit was difficult for the both of them but they never seemed to talk to each other about her death. When the curtain opened, both their heads shot in her direction.

"Let's go." He turned to Will and gave him a short nod of thanks before walking behind Emma.

/

When they arrived at home, all Emma wanted to do was sleep. Jay understood this well and he could see her trying her best to keep her eyes open. She turned to go to up the stairs.

"Wait. Leave your bag here. And you're going to crash on my bed. Get changed and I'll meet you there." He didn't sound angry, and in all honesty, he didn't know what to feel. He watched her drop her bag on the floor and go upstairs.

/

After he was sure she was asleep. He got to work. First he searched through her bag, and came up with nothing. Except a horrendous test mark which probably didn't matter anymore. After emptying her bag, he went up into her room. The mess of clothes not only made his OCD cringe, but the military in him also couldn't believe the amount of mess. As he cleaned, he searched. Through the closet and through clothes. Through dresser doors and around the bed. He found a couple of lighters and joints hidden in between the two mattresses of her bed. After he was satisfied, he cleaned up every little bit and crevice of her room.

/

It was around 7 when he had finished making dinner and decided he would try to make Emma eat. Waking her up was a challenge. The agitation was clearly there, but it was nothing he couldn't take.

"Please Em, you need to eat. Everything you're feeling right now is a thousand times worse because you're hungry. Just eat a little bit." He rubbed her back comfortingly, trying his best to keep her calm.

She takes her time sitting up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. The light in the bedroom is too much for her to take, especially with the pounding headache she has. Jay manages to get her into the bathroom before she throws up on the carpet.

/

After dinner, which consisted of Emma mostly using her fork to push her food around, Jay took her back to bed. This time in her own, clean room. He waited with her until she fell asleep. He wanted her to be sober when they were going to talk about the day's events.

He went to bed early, knowing he would have to keep getting up in the night to check on Emma. As he laid there, he couldn't help but think where he had gone wrong. In the back of his mind, he knew when Emma had started using. Her entire demeanor changed when Erin died. He realized they had never talked about what happened or how they were feeling. They were just coping on their own. _Father of the fucking year you douchebag._

Hot tears spilled down his face when he thought about it. He was becoming his father. The one who never asked about his kids or what they were doing in their lives. His father never helped him cope with his life problems. He was just like him.

He quickly wiped his face and took a few deep breaths. He knew everyone coped differently. He tried to pretend nothing was happening or that nothing was wrong. Maybe it had been all his fault she was using. He sighed and cleared his throat before setting multiple alarms on his phone before falling asleep.

/

They both slept through until noon, with various interruptions of sleep and Emma's constant trips to the bathroom. She was sobering up, Jay could tell by the way she was always nervous when he was around. She needed a fix of something. What? He didn't know. He didn't know how he was going to confront her, or if he even should. They needed to talk but he didn't know how to bring it up.

Saturday evening was approaching and he went up to her room to check on her. The door was closed and when he stood outside, he could hear quiet sniffs. His heart broke as he stood outside her door, his hand on the door handle. His legs were frozen into the ground and he couldn't decide if now was a good time to talk. After a few moments of standing, he decided to walk in. She was in her bed and her face was in her pillow. The same position from the night when Erin died.

He approached her bed and sat down on the edge, laying a hand on her shoulder. He needed to be her rock. After about 10 minutes she started to calm down. Jay was never good at this kind of stuff. He missed the days when Emma was a little kid and she would stop crying whenever he was in her presence, as if him being there just made everything better. He couldn't help but remember when she broke her arm at school when she was 6 and she cried when she realized he came to take her to the hospital instead of Erin. It broke his heart. That was the one time he couldn't comfort her.

After a few more minutes of silence he knew he shouldn't avoid the conversation any longer. He tried to start the conversation 3 times but each time he stopped since he couldn't find the words that needed to be said.

"You know… Uncle Will said that you were really close to overdosing." She just shrugged her shoulders and it broke his heart. "Em… when did this all start?"

"Want to take a guess?" Her voice was cold and it sent shivers up and down Jay's spine.

"Hey… I know this is difficult, but you should've come to me when things were getting hard." She scoffed at his comment. She cleared her throat before talking again.

"If she was two steps to the left or two steps to the right, it wouldn't have happened. I had an optional soccer practice and had I decided to go, she would've been picking me up from school at the time. Why'd this have to happen to us?"

It was a question Jay wasn't expecting. It was a question he didn't have an answer to. She looked at him, wanting an answer. She did the same thing with her eyebrows as him when she wanted an answer.

"Um… that's not something I have answer to. Also, you can't blame yourself like that. Whatever was going to happen, happened. You can't change that." She nodded her head slowly up and down. They stayed silent for a little bit more time before Emma spoke again.

"Nothing even makes sense anymore." Her voice was barely above a whisper. Jay closed his eyes at her words. The tears started to pool in his own eyes.

"Yeah… I know how you feel on that one." He didn't care about the tears falling out of his eyes now. "I can't lose you too, Em. Please don't do that to me." His voice was pleading. He's lost too many people in his life, he couldn't lose the one thing he lived for. Another few minutes passed in silence.

"I'm sorry… for everything." Jay looked down at Emma. He heard the sincerity in her voice. He should've been the one apologizing.

"Hey, it's okay. I should be the one apologizing. I should've been here for you. I guess I was drowning myself from reality and I wasn't the greatest parent lately. Just please, promise me that if you ever need something from me or if you need someone to talk to, you'll come to me. I don't want to lose you. I can't." She smiled at him, agreeing.

"But tell me something… Where'd you get the drugs?"

/

 **Are you people even reading anymore?! I'm not getting any reviews!**


	9. Chapter 9

" _But tell me something… Where'd you get the drugs?"_

She laid on the bed looking into his eyes, occasionally looking away as his intimidation tactic got, well, intimidating. Her heart started racing and she was sure he could hear it. There was no way he was letting this one slip.

She took a deep breath before speaking, but then decided against it. He noticed her slight hesitation, but he definitely wasn't leaving without a name. He had seen what drugs did to people. It happened in his own life with the people he was closest related to, twice. First it was his father. It was the rage he would have after not getting a fix. Then it was Erin. The Erin that gave him one of his greatest life treasures. The one that gave him his sole purpose of breathing. He couldn't help but think of his lousy father. He couldn't remember a time when his Dad wasn't yelling or wasn't high. He remembered thinking it was weird that none of his friend's Dads did the same thing. Only realizing when he got older what his father was doing.

 _He sat cuddled up next to Will in their bedroom. Even as his hands covered his ears, he could still hear screams, although muffled. She was aware that the boys were not too far, they might hear. It was the thuds of his father's fist that scared him the most. Will ran his hand through Jay's hair as he held him tight into his chest. It was one of the few things their mother did to give Jay comfort. As a big brother, it was his job to protect Jay. It's what he always saw on TV. A big happy family where the Mom and Dad love each other and kiss each other goodnight. It didn't take him long to realize that not all families are like that. Not his, at least._

 _Jay trembled under Will's tight embrace. He had chills going through his body even as he sat with the blanket over top of him. He hated nights like these. It was when his father had no pills to pop, no H or cocaine to snort, or any alcohol to calm his nerves. That was when he was most angry._

 _11-year-old Jay couldn't take it anymore. He had had enough. He ripped out of his older brother's embrace and raced towards the door, flinging it open with all his strength. As a scrawny kid, that strength wasn't anything profound. He could hear Will screaming his name and he could feel him on his six. But nothing was stopping him now._

 _Stepping into view of the living room, he took in his surroundings. There were empty beer bottles littering the coffee table alongside empty prescription bottles. Just as it was when he went to bed hours ago. His mother was on all fours, dry heaving as blood leaked from her nose onto the floor. His father stood with a bloodied right hand screaming at her._

 _He acted on impulse, not thinking of the repercussions. He remembered running at him. He remembered the feeling of his fists hitting his skinny body. He remembered hearing the cracks of his bones as Will begged him to stop. He remembered being admitted into the hospital overnight, he lied and said he fell down the stairs at home because he was running. He lied because he knew what complications would arise had anyone found out his father was abusive. This was something he would take to the grave with him._

"Dad… you okay?" Her voice seemed to bring him out of his daze. He cleared his throat as he tried to push back the memory to the back of his mind, just as he always did. He looked over to his daughter and remembered where he had left off the conversation.

"What… sorry I didn't hear you." She raised her eyebrow at him just as he did.

"Just asked if you were good. You seemed to get lost in something." He smiled at her concern and empathy. Just like Erin.

"Get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning."

/

He had grabbed her phone from his hiding spot in his closet and picked up his laptop as he went to go sit down on the couch in the living room. One of the perks of having a tech nerd as a best friend, learning how to crack into people's phones. As he plugged in the wire to her phone, her photos started to load onto his screen. Nothing suspicious there. A few photos of her and her friends which he glazed over and a some of their family which he didn't want to look at, he didn't want any memories right now.

He managed to unlock her phone and he decided to start in the obvious spot: her text messages. Starting with the most recent conversations with Eva. He diligently read through the texts, soaking up every word. He read some of the texts a couple of times, especially the ones she sent out the night she snuck out. Deciding he wouldn't 'overreact' just yet, he closed his laptop and went to bed. He would figure all this out in the morning.

/

Breakfast the next morning was quiet. She avoided his gaze as much as she could but she could still feel his eyes on her.

"Is there something I can help you with?" He smiled at her when she spoke. _The attitude returns._

"You never answered my question last night."

That managed to make her focus back on breakfast. She had an appetite so he knew she hadn't become dependent on anything she took.

"So today, I've arranged a session with Antonio. I know it's been a long time since you've gone but I thought you could blow off some steam. I'll be leaving you there for a bit, need to run some errands. After that, I better get an answer."

"Fine by me." _Gives me time to come up with a lie._

/

He escorted her into the gym and helped her wrap her wrists and put on her gloves before going back to his car. He slammed the door a bit too forcefully. The drive to the district seemed too quick as he was lost in thought. It was weird seeing a new desk sergeant everyday, even if Platt had retired over a year ago. He just never got used to the idea of not having his balls busted first thing in the morning.

Even if it was the weekend, Hank could be found at the district, head deep in a case or in paperwork. Since the rest of the unit had the day off today, his door was open. He knocked gently to alert Hank of his presence before walking into his office.

"Jay… is something wrong? I gave you a few days off. Where"s Emma?"

"Relax Hank, everything's good. I dropped her off with Antonio."

"What's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know about what's going down with her." He told Voight about what went down at school and what Will had said. He reluctantly spoke of the conversation he had with her before bed the night before. His own memory clouding his thoughts. "I don't know where I fucked up."

"Jay… it wasn't your fault. I ever tell you the story of the one night Erin relapsed?"

 _Hank Voight paced around his living room at 2 in the morning. Camille and Justin had gone to bed a few hours ago after waiting for Erin to come back from school all evening. She had gotten into a fight at school and ran away, fearing the repercussions she would face at home. Voight had called her countless of times on the cell phone he had gotten her, but she had turned it off, probably knowing he could track the number. He had gone out driving to all of her old hangouts but she was nowhere to be found. He reluctantly returned back home, knowing she would come back at some point, all her stuff was here._

 _It was almost 4am when he heard the door knob being turned. He had left the door unlocked but he still kept his gun nearby, just in case. Her small silhouette walked through the door and he could see her shaking. Her footsteps were clumsy as she tried to get up the stairs quietly, but failing. He cleared his throat to get her attention, but that just seemed to make her cower._

" _Erin… where were you?! You had me worried sick."_

 _He had turned on the hallway light now and her dilated pupils were the first thing his eyes laid on. She was at a loss of words and wouldn't look him in the eyes. She was looking for an escape. She tried to keep as much space between herself and Hank but she managed to corner herself into the wall._

" _Erin..." He reached his hand out to place on her shoulder but she swatted it away._

" _Why are you even helping me?" Her voice was weak and it was barely a whisper, but she had a hint of guilt and anger in it. "People like me don't deserve getting helped."_

" _Erin, what are you on right now?"_

" _Doesn't matter, I'm grabbing my stuff and leaving." She turned towards the stairs, hoping to run away just like she always has but Hank grabbed onto her arm._

" _Come sit down." He basically carried her to the couch and sat next to her. "What happened today Erin?"_

 _She stayed quiet, gaze fixed on the floor. She occasionally looked over to Hank's hand resting on her knee, not sure what he would think of her. God, she was such a low life. It took her a while, but she managed to build up the courage to talk to him._

" _I just got into a fight and I didn't want to get yelled at or kicked out from here so I just ran away. Then I went to see my mom and she gave me some stuff that was meant to help me forget and I don't know I just felt like I had to take it." His heart dropped in his chest._

" _What'd she give you?"_

" _I'm not sure, I think H."_

" _C'mon, let's go."_

" _I need to get my stuff and-"_

" _You're not getting kicked out Erin, I need to take you to a hospital."_

 _/_

 _He held her hand as she was poked and prodded by doctors. He could see the discomfort in her eyes not only from all the attention, but the apprehension towards her future in the Voight house._

" _Erin… it's okay… You're not getting kicked out." She just gave him a quick nod, like she didn't believe him. All he knew was that getting Erin to trust him will be a process._

 _/_

"You just have to let her know that nothing's her fault, that you're there for her." Jay soaked up every word of Voight's story. Erin never willingly told him of her life at the Voight house so when he heard bits and pieces of it, he gave it his full attention.

"How do I do that? How do I show her that I'm on her side?"

"Well, you can't get mad… and you can't overreact. She'll distance herself even more if you do." He just nodded. He thought he was already doing that, he hasn't let all his anger out about the situation yet. But he knew he wasn't exactly Dad of the year. Maybe he would approach her again later tonight and they would talk about everything going on, no distractions, no consequences.

"Jay, I wanted to run something by you. Have you ever thought about writing the sergeant's exam?"

"What's that supposed to mean."

"Well, I've been doing this for a long time. Just can't keep up with it anymore. Al retired and when Antonio left I knew it would be you taking over Intelligence one day." He spoke as if his mind was already 100% made up, as if he knew what Jay's answer would be.

"Wow… I'm honoured."

"Think about it… take the exam."

"Yeah, of course. But I gotta go right now."

"You ever need something, let me know." They hugged before Jay left into the bullpen. Being sergeant of Intelligence was all he ever wanted to do. Him and Erin leading a unit full of detectives just like them 10 years ago. But now without her here, was it what he really wanted? Maybe retiring as detective would be the best option for him. Atwater could take the sergeant position, or maybe even Adam or Kim. Both of them had adjusted to the unit and matured really well. They had managed to settle down and even had a kid. They had their priorities in order.

He shut down his thoughts as he reached his car and sat back down in the driver's seat. The music from the radio keeping his thoughts at bay as he drove to his next destination.

/

He pulled up to the house he's been coming to for the last 10 or so years. He walked up the familiar pathway and rang the doorbell. He had picked up Emma from here countless of times and he even memorized the footsteps on the other side on the door. When the door opened, the person whom he came to visit luckily answered.

"Umm… … is anything wrong?"

"Eva… let's step inside."

/


	10. Chapter 10

"I just think he's overreacting a bit." Emma said to Antonio trying to calm her breathing. Her Uncle Tony was her favourite, she could always talk to him without any judgement.

"Well see it from his perspective. He deals with drugs on an almost-daily basis. He's investigated countless of kids dying from drugs. You're the best thing that's happened to him, he doesn't want to lose you too." He raised his padded hands again, signalling for her to continue. "Where'd you get it anyways?"

She smiled at him before punching his palms. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm still a cop, I should be worried."

After finishing her set, she took her time to answer him. "Worry about it when and if something bad happens to me."

"I'd be kicking myself if I knew I could've prevented it, so would your Dad."

"You're stressing me out by talking about him, this was supposed to be about blowing off steam."

"Alright then, give me another 20."

 _/_

He watched her bounce her knee up and down before repeating his question. "I just want to know if you gave it to her, I'm not mad."

"And if I did…"

"I'd like to know why."

"No reason, just happened." She had a small grin on her face when she answered which pissed him off a bit. He slowly nodded at her answer.

"And where'd you get it?"

"A friend."

"Does this friend have a name?"

"Yeah." He raised his brow at her one word answer. "I don't have to tell you his name."

"So, it's a guy…" She shrugged her shoulders at him.

"Generally speaking."

"You know I can easily crack into your phone and I can recover literally anything."

"You'd have to go through the process of getting a warrant, other than that it's illegal."

"You shouldn't be talking about what's legal or not. I could take you in right now."

"Go ahead." He took a deep breath before speaking again. She didn't seem to be phased by his intimidation technique, something he could use on the toughest criminals in Chicago. When he contacted her parents the night when Emma snuck out, he noticed they didn't really seem to care about her activities, they claimed she was being young and reckless. He stood up, towering over Eva. He never broke eye contact with her as he spoke.

"If I find it on her again, or if she comes home smelling like it or showing signs she's high, I will personally come here, put you in handcuffs and charge you." His voice was stern, purposely trying to instill fear into her, but it didn't work.

"Sure, whatever."

/

"So how was your session with Antonio?"

"Fine… How was running errands?"

"Good. I stopped by Eva's house." Her steps seemed to falter.

"And…"

"And we talked."

"About?"

"Want to take a guess?"

"Not really."

"Well since you're evading my questions, I got proactive."

"What'd she tell you?"

"Well, what do you think she would tell me?" She shook her head as she threw her bag into the backseat of the car and sat down in the passenger seat. "Before I turn on the car I want an answer for that question." He turned to face her.

"I don't really know what she would tell you."

"Hmm."

 _Fuck he knows._

/

"The purpose of you getting this back doesn't mean I want your face in the screen 24/7 while you're grounded. It freaks me out when you're not in my view and you're without your phone."

"Yeah sure." She was surprised when he gave her phone back during dinner. She was expecting to wait months to get it back. Sure, the couple of weeks she didn't have it, it did feel like months, but she was glad she'd finally be able to text her friends.

Since she had been expelled, she was finishing out her junior year by getting home-schooled by Jay. It was funny at first when he would try to teach her a math lesson and got confused before using Youtube to figure it out. They had spent an entire day on one lesson before he called it a day. He was still trying to find a good tutor and education specialist, but until then, she could deal with him.

After dinner and doing the dishes, she ran up to her room, excited to catch up with what was happening at school.

EMMA: "Hey! Got my phone back!"

EVA: "Lol, prove it… Snapchat me…

Okay it's you. What made him give it back?!"

EMMA: "Something about him being worried about leaving me alone without it. Heard he came to visit you today?"

EVA: "Yeah he did."

EMMA: "What'd he say."

EVA: "That if he ever finds anything on you again he's gonna throw me in jail."

Unbelievable, she thought. Sure, he's overreacted before, but she never thought he would actually do something like that. How did he even know she gave her the drugs?

EMMA: "Don't worry, he's just trying to get you to back off, he won't do anything."

EVA: "He also asked where I got it, and I referenced to a 'he' and your Dad asked about who the 'he' was."

EMMA: "And what'd you say…"

EVA: "That it didn't necessarily have to be a he. There's no way I'm letting Chris go to jail."

EMMA _:_ "Chill… nothing's going to happen. I'm going to delete these texts anyways."

Her eyes were brought away from her phone when she heard a soft knock on the door.

"I gotta go to work, we caught a case. I want you with me. Meet you in the car."

/

She stayed in the car while Jay went out with the team, eventually falling asleep. She must've been really tired because next thing she knew, she was waking up at home again.

"I thought we were going to work." He laughed.

"We did… it's 3 in the morning." If only she could pretend to be asleep so she could be carried in like she did when she was a kid. She reluctantly left the seat of the car, stretching out the aching muscles before walking behind Jay. She made a beeline to her bedroom before she felt him grab her arm.

"Hey… I know the last little bit has been rough, but I love you. Always know that." She nodded her head and smiled.

"I love you too."

/

EVA: Hey I need you to vouch for me…

EMMA: What's this about?

EVA: You know Mr. Williams?

EMMA: Our P.E. teacher… obviously.

EVA: Well, he's threatening to fail me and if I do, I won't have enough credits to graduate next year.

EMMA: How do you fail P.E.? All you have to do is show up…

EVA: Not the problem right now, Em. But anyways, I want to get my revenge.

EMMA: And how do you plan to do that?

EVA: Well, we've had him for 3 years now, I want to inflict pain on him like he did to us. I just don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I need you to be my alibi.

EMMA: Idk, how bad is this gonna get?

EVA: Look, are you with me or not?!

EMMA: I kinda wanna know what I'm getting involved in.

EVA: It won't be anything too bad. Trust me.

EMMA: Sure, whatever.

EVA: I owe you one.

/

 **Please Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

He watched her from the kitchen as she laid down across the couch watching TV. He was never good with punishments with her, it started when she was a kid. Somehow, Erin always seemed to be the 'bad cop' and had no issue with punishing their daughter, but he was a whole different story.

" _I don't want her out of her room. She's grounded Jay."_

" _Don't worry, go enjoy girls night. I can take care of my own kid."_

" _It's not so much of taking care of her. If you aren't strict with her she'll realize how to deceive you."_

" _Mhmm, enjoy your night babe."_

 _6-year-old Emma was being punished for 'accidentally' breaking the neighbour's mailbox while playing hockey with her friends. Jay was fairly impressed, she managed to knock the top off the post completely with a couple shots. She claimed she was using it as target practice._

 _He walked Erin to the door before giving her a kiss. When he returned to the kitchen, he glanced at the clock: 6:05pm. Almost time for dinner. He decided he would bring her to the table, feed her dinner, give her a bath and put her to bed. He couldn't go soft on her tonight. He needed to be more like Erin. He went up to her room and walked in on her reading at the small play-desk in the middle of the room. How could he be strict with her when she looked so cute?_

" _Em, let's go eat some dinner." His voice startled her a bit but sure enough she was running up to him with her arms extended to him, signalling to him to pick her up. He sighed before obliging, knowing he was already caving to her tactics._

" _I want you to finish your mac and cheese and then I'll give you a bath and then bed time. Okay?"_

" _What about the Blackhawks game?!" She exclaimed wide-eyed. Watching the Blackhawks was something he and Emma had been doing ever since she could focus on the TV screen. She had ALL the Blackhawks apparel and she just HAD to watch every game with her Dad, even though she would fall asleep before the games even ended._

" _You're grounded, remember?"_

" _Please, Daddy!" She gave him her best puppy dog eyes as she scooted off her chair and jumped onto his lap. She cried into his chest which absolutely broke his heart. How was he supposed to say no to this?_

 _He ran his hand up and down her back, trying his best to comfort her. After a few minutes, she seemed to calm down a little bit._

" _How about Daddy feeds you dinner tonight?" Jay and Erin stopped spoon-feeding her themselves when she was 2 years old. They claimed she needed independence. She sadly nodded her head as he repositioned her body to face the table, grabbing the spoon on the table._

 _She struggled when he would bring the spoon to her mouth, and she took her time to chew her food before accepting another bite. Jay knew this was a tactic she was using so she wouldn't have to go to sleep. He was being manipulated by a 6-year-old._

 _After what felt like hours, he finally scooped the last bite of food in her mouth before standing up with her rested on his hip. She didn't let him put her down while he loaded the dishwasher, so it took him longer than usual. When he had finished, he walked up the stairs towards the bathroom._

" _C'mon Em, if you don't struggle with bathtime then I'll let you watch the entire first period of the game with me." He was beginning to get exhausted and all he wanted to do was sit down on the couch with a bottle of beer. His proposition seemed to pipe up her attitude as she quickly got in the tub of water, waiting for Jay. She splashed in the water and played with her toys while Jay finished cleaning her off before draining the tub. He grabbed a towel and dried her off before dressing her in her favourite pyjamas, which happened to have pink Blackhawks logos all over them._

 _He carried her to the couch, stopping by the fridge to pick up his much needed beverage before he sat down, placing Emma in his lap. He grabbed the blanket on the couch and draped it over both of them before turning the TV onto the channel broadcasting the game._

 _The first period had been uneventful with nobody scoring and nobody taking any penalties. It was games like this that made Jay's eyes heavy. All throughout the game his eyes seemed to close, but they would open when Emma shifted on his lap. She was surprisingly quiet while watching the game, little did he know, she knew he was falling asleep._

 _Erin walked through the front door of her home around 9:30. She could hear the commentary of the game as she took her heels off. As she walked towards the living room expecting to see her husband, she spotted her child, completely awake and alert, watching the game while her father was fast asleep and snoring on the couch next to her._

" _Excuse me, miss, but weren't you grounded?"_

" _Daddy let me watch the game!"_

" _Did he? Well now it's bedtime, let's go." Erin took Emma to her room and read her a bedtime story. She fell asleep before the story had ended so Erin quietly pressed a kiss to her forehead before closing the door behind her, leaving it open just a crack._

 _She made her way to the living room, finding her husband still asleep. She took a look at the score before muting the TV and hovering over Jay's face. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips, hoping to wake him up, but he didn't stir. So she placed another kiss, this time more forcibly and letting it linger. After a few seconds, she felt his hand in her hair and a smile erupting on his face. She looked him in the eyes before he gave her another quick kiss._

" _You let her watch the game?"_

" _Well, it was just supposed to be the first period, where is she anyways?!" He quickly sat up on the couch, looking around the living room hoping to see his daughter._

" _I put her to bed. What'd I say about being strict with her?"_

" _Oh c'mon Erin, all she has to do is give me that look and she knows I'll do anything for her. I'm sorry but I can't be 'bad cop/parent' in that scenario."_

" _You just need to toughen up."_

" _Excuse me but I think you've used that look on me a few times too, especially the night she was probably conceived." A grin came over her face, knowing exactly what look he was alluding to. "Erin don't you dare."_

" _I don't know what you're talking about." Her hands roamed his chest over his shirt before they made their way down towards his belt buckle. She slipped one hand under his shirt and let her fingers feel the dips and crevices of his abs while the other toyed with his belt._

" _Erin…"_

" _Hmm…"_

" _Bedroom, please."_

/

He hoped he would be able to do some chores around the house while he was on his day off. The unit seemed to be swamped everyday with a case, and whenever they weren't, he was either taking care of Emma, or studying for the sergeant's exam. He had decided that being sergeant would be best for him, and it's what Erin would want. He just had to pass the exam now.

As he was folding his clothes and putting them in their respective spots in the closet he had shared with Erin, he came across one of her maternity jeans. He let his thumb feel the fabric on the pants before he brought them up to his face. The jeans smelled distinctly like her. He was never going to forget her pregnancy, it was one of the toughest times of their lives.

 _The first month of her pregnancy involved a lot of morning sickness. She tried her best to hide it from Jay, but it was when he found her throwing up in one of the toilets at the district that his mind automatically went to thinking about the last time they were intimate. He held her hair back as she continued to vomit and his mind raced at a million miles a second. They couldn't be ready for a baby, could they?_

 _They had talked a lot about having kids, but neither was ready. Her mother wasn't the greatest of examples and becoming his father was his greatest fear. Conversations about babies would always be cut short, as they would fall asleep to the silence of the night, leaving the conversation unfinished over and over again._

 _The 9 months of her pregnancy involved a lot of hormones and fights. Everything Jay did seemed to piss Erin off and he always thought she was overreacting. They both knew that the stress of a new baby was catching up to them, because when they were quietly sitting in each other's presence or making love to each other under the sheets, they would fall in love with each other all over again._

 _It was when that baby girl came kicking and screaming into the world weighing in at 7 pounds that all their worries had evaporated. Seeing that child that was half Lindsay and half Halstead managed to bring them this happiness into their hearts that nobody had given them before, and they both knew they would be okay._

"I had a question." Emma must've snuck into the closet while he was reminiscing because now he was standing there holding Erin's pants while she eyed him nervously.

"Yeah, okay. Shoot."

"Could I go over to Eva's today?"

"To do exactly what."

"Just hang out."

"We both know how 'just hanging out' ended last time. And aren't you grounded." He continued with putting his clothes away, knowing she was giving him a glare into the back of his head. "If I let you go, how would I know you're not going to do anything I wouldn't like?"

"I'll pinky promise you, or you could text or call me." He scoffed at her comment before turning around facing her. He held out his pinky in front of her, which she wrapped against her own pinky.

"Just remember, I could also physically drop by at any time." She smiled at his comment before turning away and running out the door.

When he heard the door slam, his eyes automatically went back to the pants that were still in view. He got lost in the smell one more time, before he leaned against the wall, letting his legs give out underneath him. He could feel the tears in his eyes as he slid down the wall, before completely breaking down.

 _/_

 **Please Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So this story is going to complete shit (pardon my French) since I've got no ideas on what to write and I'm losing literally every bit of motivation for it. You can drop some suggestions in the reviews of things you would like to see anything added into the story. Other than that the chapters will likely be short to the ending of this story which is coming up soon. By the looks of it, the story will be up to 20 chapters, max, unless I think of something random to stick in there.**

 **I realize that this story is jumping around quite a bit and if I add this one bit into it I feel like there's going to be some confusion due to the abruptness of everything. I'll try my best to fit it in and make this story something for all of you to enjoy. :)**

 **/**

"So what's your whole plan with ?"

"I don't know, I feel like I'm at a dead end. I had a couple of ideas but I think they might be a bit too extreme. There's no way that I'm not walking the stage next year at Graduation. I am pretty sure about this one idea though, I'll confirm it with you later."

"Just try not to get me into anything deep, my Dad is already pissed enough that I got expelled."

"Where are you gonna go to school in the fall anyways?"

"I don't know, I think my Dad was researching about a Catholic school he went to when he grew up." Emma rolled her eyes at her comment. She wouldn't be caught dead being stuck in a uniform for her senior year, but her luck didn't seem to be going her way when she noticed how much interest Jay was showing in his old school.

"Well at least he still let you come over."

"Yeah, he threatened with dropping by at any time before I left though."

"He won't."

"How do you know that? He dropped by without me one day to talk to you so what's stopping him now?"

"You're so naive Em. Ever since your Mom died haven't you noticed how much shit he lets you get away with? The drinking? The drugs? Getting expelled? You have an all access pass to do whatever the hell you want."

Emma swallowed hard at the mention of her mother's death. It was rarely, if ever, talked about. She felt like she never really understood what happened, it was as if the dust never settled. Her father seemed to walk around eggshells with her anytime they were near each other and neither of them voluntarily talked about it. Their current conversations were already short and awkward. When Emma didn't answer, Eva noticed the emotion on her face, instantly regretting her words.

"Hey I didn't mean it like that, Em." Emma cleared her throat before nodding her head up and down, and she blinked quickly trying to get the tears out of her eyes. "Wanna talk about it?" Eva's voice was now softer, almost a whisper. Emma scoffed and chuckled before answering.

"I don't even know where to start." Her voice cracked and it was thick with emotion.

"Well, how do you feel?" Eva came up to her bed and sat down next to Emma, concern etched on her face.

"There's just so many emotions all at once. One minute I'm fine and then I'll get up to go talk to my Mom about something and the instant realization hits and it's just anxiety all at once. Started having troubles sleeping, don't ever feel like eating, I don't even know how many times I've cried myself to sleep. And when I am asleep, it's all just nightmares. I wasn't even there and all I dream about is her getting shot. I just don't understand what happened. I remember when Kim came to pick me up from school the night it happened. I knew something was wrong because of the look on her face and when I asked what was wrong she just gave me this look of sympathy." Tears were now pooling in her eyes.

"Did you tell your Dad about that?"

"No… He's got his own shit and emotions to deal with, he was there. On top of that he has me to fuss over."

"Well maybe you should try, you never know what could happen."

"Yeah… I don't wanna talk about this anymore. What's your 'one idea' with that you were talking about before?"

/

After he finished doing the dishes, Jay grabbed his laptop to finalize everything regarding Emma's schooling for the Fall. As he did so, he subconsciously found himself getting distracted by browsing on the internet. His eyes read over every headline on the page, all similar in their wording. _How to Deal with the Death of a Loved One._

He read about other's personal experience, and he learned how mourning was affecting him mentally and physically. Most of the websites he surfed talked about how opening up to someone, anyone, to start the healing process. The articles warned him to wait until he was ready, but as he read, he instantly felt shame for how he wasn't even sure whether or not Emma had been ready. She went about her days like nothing was wrong and she still had the same personality and attitude around him. The only difference in her life was the use of drugs and alcohol, which he knew she used to cope. He remembered when his mother died. He was a little bit older than her but he remembered the isolation and guilt he had felt. The thought instantly brought a lump into his throat.

He found himself searching how a child reacts to the death of a parent and what he could do to help. Most articles he read stated that the healing process would be different for every teenager and that the child may rely more of the surviving parent. He read about doing things that they loved to do and his mind automatically went to the first time he had taken Erin to the cabin in Wisconsin.

" _Just keep an open mind, Er. It'll be fun."_

" _Yeah, I'll be having loads of fun running away from mosquitoes the size of birds all day."_

" _You won't be running all day, there's lots of time to swim, and relax in the sun. You can even sleep all day inside the cabin, it has AC."_

" _I could've slept in the apartment, Jay." He sighed deeply._

" _Just wait until you see it. Trust me."_

 _She was asleep for most of the ride. When Jay noticed that they were getting close, he shook her awake. She groaned, willing herself to not open her eyes._

" _Oh come on, we're almost there. Just look at the view!" He didn't even try to hide the excitement in his voice. When she finally oped her eyes, all she saw was green. They were surrounded by trees everywhere and their car was the only one on the road._

" _You woke me up to look at trees?" Her voice was dry and lacking emotion._

" _I meant look at that." She followed his finger out the windshield as they turned a corner of trees. The view in front of her was ineffable. There was a river flowing with the bluest water she had ever seen and the sun was setting over the hills casting a glow over the horizon. It was a sight for sore eyes and when Jay saw the smile splayed over her face, he knew he had already won her over. When they got to the cabin, her excitement only increased._

" _Wow…"_

" _You like it?" Jay asked chuckling._

" _Like would be an understatement. How come you've never showed me pictures?!"_

" _I never really took any. It didn't always look like this. I spent a lot of time here after getting back." His gaze went to the ground as he finished his sentence, hoping that she wouldn't pry. He decided he would change the topic himself to get him out of hot water. "There's so many things to do here. You can swim in the lake, sunbathe, barbeque, relax on the deck, there's always something going on on the weekends." His voice dropped low as he stepped towards her, placing his arm around her waist to bring her close. "And I could show you a really good time in the master bedroom."_

 _He watched her cheeks turn into a crimson red before laughing._

" _I can just imagine having our kids around here during the summer, you know. Running around, playing in the grass. Sunburns. Ice cream. Movie nights. It'd be fun." Jay's face erupted into a grin as he watched Erin take in her surroundings. He distinctly remembers his mother's voice telling him about when he grew up he could bring his wife and children to the cabin to spend the summers away with her. His heart swelled at the thought of Erin thinking of the same things, and he swore he couldn't be any happier._

 _Until the day came where he actually did get to bring his child to his most favourite place. He swore that a smile never left his face the entire time._

Jay's eyes glossed over with fresh tears as he reminisced and the words he read on the page had begun to get blurry. He quickly blinked them away, returning to his task at hand.

"Learn when your child needs to get help. Talk to them or find someone for them to talk to."

He read the first sentence of the page to himself. He knew Emma was closing off around him, and he had no idea whether or not she was confiding in anyone. He knew how much of a burden it was to carry around guilt and pain, and pretending as if it was alright. He had done it for 10 years after getting back, and he was doing it again.

Jay decided it would be best for both of them to talk to a therapist, it would be the healthiest option for the both of them. His first option would be , but he wasn't entirely sure if both of them using the same therapist would be ideal. He just wanted someone he could trust.

He wasn't sure how well Emma would react to his idea, but he had a feeling that she wouldn't exactly be glad about it. One thing he wished she didn't inherit from him was his closed off personality.

He took a deep breath when he heard the front door opening and the sound of her kicking off her shoes. He waited for her to turn the corner into the living room where he sat before closing his laptop and approaching her. He hugged her and gave her a kiss which she tried to avoid before looking her in the eyes.

"Em, we need to talk…"

/

 **PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE Review! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I've found motivation randomly and words are spewing out for all my stories and I can't stop (so hopefully I can do the same with this).**

 **Recap: Emma was caught with drugs at school and got expelled. Eva (Emma's best friend) wants to get revenge on their PE teacher, Mr. Williams, for failing her. Jay also wants him and Emma to go to therapy together.**

 **/**

"There's no way in hell that I'm going to therapy. I'm fine!"

When her father said he needed to talk, all that went through her mind was everything wrong she had done in the last few months. It was weird for him to have her sit down with him on the couch since she usually got lectured wherever she was. She was definitely not expecting this.

"Well, I don't think you're fine. I think this will be good for the both of us."

"I don't need therapy, Dad." Jay gave her a pointed look. He knew it would be a low shot to bring up her recent drinking and drug use, but at this point, he needed to get through to her.

"Do we need to talk about what you've been doing the last few months?" She furrowed her brows at him and crossed her arms over her chest. Just like Erin used to. "Those are things that tell me that you're not okay."

"I'm fine." Emma knew that therapy wasn't a bad thing, but she didn't want a complete stranger to know about all the thoughts in her head and what she felt. She didn't want to feel so vulnerable. She went to turn away and up the stairs but Jay didn't let that happen. He gently grabbed her arm and forced her to turn back towards him.

"We don't have to do it together. We can get different doctors and I swear to you, if you don't want me knowing anything about what you say, then I won't ask." His voice was softer now. His heart broke when he saw the tears forming in her eyes and he let his hand fall from her arm, giving her some space.

She didn't say anything, but she nodded her head, trying to blink the tears out her eyes, ultimately failing. Jay walked closer to her and wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"It's okay. We'll be okay."

/

"So, Emma, how are you today."

Emma had agreed to meet with Dr. Reese from Med that following Thursday. Every Tuesday and Thursday she was to have a session at Med for an hour long before getting picked up by either her Uncle Will or Jay to be brought over to the district. It was the beginning of August so there was still a few more weeks until she would start her senior year at her new school, something she wasn't looking forward to.

"Great." She sighed deeply before answering, not going unnoticed to Dr. Reese.

"You sound a bit exasperated to be here?"

"I'm just doing this to please my Dad."

"So none of this is on your own volition? You don't feel like you need to talk to anyone with everything that happened?"

"You don't have to dance around saying it. My Mom died. No, she was murdered from what I've heard."

"And what have you heard?"

"That she was shot during a raid."

"And how do you feel about it?" Emma just shrugged her shoulders. "Angry? Sad? Lonely?"

"I don't know how to explain it."

"And that's what I'm here to do. I'm here to help you understand and to help you cope. Your Dad told me about your drug and alcohol use, was that related to your Mom's death?" Emma didn't say anything, she just continued to look at Dr. Reese in the eyes, unfazed. "One thing I want to let you know is that this is a safe place to talk about anything you want. If there's ever something you tell me that you don't want your Dad or Dr. Halstead to know, you can let me know. However, if I feel like you're ever at risk of hurting yourself or someone else, I will have to tell them."

"Yes. It was related to my Mom's death. Kinda."

"Kinda?"

"Well the alcohol, that was just because I was at a party. I promised myself I was just trying it but I guess it caught up with me."

"And the drugs?"

"My friends were doing it, so why not."

"From the information I have, you were expelled for cocaine use whereas two of your friends were suspended for marijuana. Why were you the only one with the cocaine?"

"Next question, I'm not answering that one."

"I won't tell your Dad if that's what you're worried about."

"He'll find out if he wants to, no matter how hard you try."

"Do you not trust me?"

"Considering that I don't even know you, yes. I don't trust you."

"Okay. We're going to do an activity where we get to know each other a bit more. After that, maybe you'll be a bit more comfortable?"

"Do whatever you want. Like I said before, I'm here to please my Dad."

/

"Jay, it's been a while."

"Dr. Charles." The two men shook hands before getting settled in their respective seats. Jay decided that having Dr. Charles as his therapist would be the best option since Emma chose Dr. Reese. He would meet with Dr. Charles every Monday and Friday, deciding to give Emma more space and giving her her own time to visit.

"How you doing today?" The elder man asked.

"I'm doing well, how are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. So what brings you into my office?"

"Well, as you know, Erin was shot a few months ago and she didn't make it." He cleared his throat and blinked away the tears that had began to glaze his eyes over. "Emma, my daughter, I don't think she's been coping too well so I told her that I think we should go to therapy together. Maybe find some closure or try and understand what happened because I don't think either of us have properly talked about it."

"And how did that conversation go with her?"

"Well she didn't like it and she told me she was fine, which I know isn't true."

"And how about you Jay? Are you doing okay?"

He breathed deeply and sighed before answering.

"I don't know. I guess that's why I'm here."

"Did you want to do group therapy with her? Or are you okay with her seeing Dr. Reese."

"Well I told her I liked the idea of both of us talking to someone. I also told her if she didn't want me knowing about what she talked about then that was completely fine. I left the choice to her."

"Would you rather want her to do therapy with you or on her own?"

"Honestly, probably with me. That way I can keep an eye on her and then I know what she's feeling. I feel like I'd be more helpful. I don't even know what to do with her right now."

"Did you express these feelings with her?"

"No. I didn't want to drive a wedge between us. She came in this one morning completely wasted and a couple of months ago she was expelled from school for drug use. I didn't say anything and I don't think I went too crazy because I know that if I do, she's not going to trust me and she won't come to me when she needs something."

"How would you have reacted if she came home drunk or high if Erin was still here?"

"I'd lose my shit. Erin would too."

"And why do you think your reactions would be different?"

"I guess I'm afraid of losing her too."

"Maybe that's something you should speak to her about? Tell her what the consequences would be if something bad happened to her. The consequences for you and her."

"And how do I do that?"

"Maybe sit her down and tell her? Make sure she understands where you're coming from."

"She barely even talks to me these days."

"It's a good thing both of you are talking to someone. Dr. Reese can get an idea of how she is feeling and if you want, you can ask Dr. Reese yourself."

"I told Emma I wouldn't if she didn't want me to. I can't break her trust with this, right?"

"Jay, one thing I'm going to tell you as a father and not as a therapist, sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your child regardless of what they will think about you. Because in the end, your decision is most likely the right one. Emma might not see it like that during this time, but she'll realize. She's under 18, you make that decision."

/

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	14. Author's Note

I feel as if this was inevitable.

I will no longer be continuing to write this story, mostly because I feel as if I have come to a dead end with it. A combination of poor planning and lack of motivation has led me to this outcome, and I am sincerely sorry.

Maybe one day, I will re-write 6:05pm. I would actually plan it out from beginning to end, and I would likely write the story out in it's entirety before I post it.

Thank you for the love and support you gave me, xo.


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